Mom approaches the end

I got a call from her old folks home. My mom fell again and had to go to the ER at Scripps Mercy.

Now, a week and a half later, her dog has moved into my house while mom has moved into a rehab center, following surgery on a broken hip.

Mom has seemed indestructible but even she might not bounce back from a hip fracture. She had just moved into assisted living at the beginning of the year and she’s been sliding downhill quickly since then.

Her sight and hearing are bad. Even before the injury she could barely walk with a wheeled walker. And her senility means she may or may not remember who you are.

We outlive our bodies and our minds. Modern technology and modern medicine can keep us alive. But it can’t preserve the person I knew when both of us were younger.

I also watched my father turn into somebody I no longer recognized. Is it wrong to wish for a parent’s death?

It’s something I’m still ashamed to admit but I felt great relief when my father died at age 93. Now my mother is 96, and the experience of both of my parents makes me wish I don’t live to be that old.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to live to be old, if I haven’t done it already (I’m 63). But what if I could live to be 86 then die of a brain aneurism? You know. Something pretty quick and painless.

My mom was strong-willed all her life and I’m not surprised she’s been tough enough to make it this far. But will she ever get out of bed and back on her feet? Will she ever move back into her apartment and be able to take care of her dog?

I don’t know. And at this point I’m not sure what to hope for.

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