Getting Stoned

It’s funny that marijuana is legal. And it was funny to have a container in my fridge filled with pot edibles. They were each about the size and shape of a Twix bar that is split into two colors, brown and white. My son told me that white half was congealed fat from the coconut oil they were made with.

I have gotten stoned before from smoking marijuana and I never really liked it. It shut me down. It made me tired and unsocial. I got no thrill from smoking marijuana and not much peace either, since it made me paranoid.

I ate one of those bars — yep, curiosity got the better of me — and I felt nothing immediately. I guess edibles take longer to reach the bloodstream and the brain. But when it hit me it was a hammer.

I was dizzy and confused. I had no short-term memory and would repeatedly find myself somewhere, wondering what I was doing or how I got there. I tried to read something and the lines of text jumbled together. Remember the paranoia? I started to wonder if I was going to fall asleep and die. I couldn’t pee. Seriously! I had a full bladder and would stand at the toilet waiting for it to come out and it wouldn’t come. When it did, it seemed to take forever.

God, I must have looked so stoned! Standing at the toilet, staring downward with my hands on my dick, waiting for an eternity.

By the morning I was pretty clear again. The guy who made the bars said he was sorry he didn’t warn me because, dude, they were pretty strong.

The one thing I will say in favor of the experience is I suffer chronic pain, which is the most pronounced it my feet and lower calf muscles. When I was stoned, the pain was gone.

I have wondered before if I might be a good candidate for medical marijuana. It appears the answer is ‘yes’ IF the chemical that makes you high (THC?) can be isolated from the one that kills the pain.

A medication? Maybe. But a recreational drug? Not for me. We get high so we can feel invulnerable and like we’re living above and apart from the world of fears and cares. Pot don’t do it for me.

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